PLAN: Grok Content Moderation Crisis
Friday, May 8th, 2026
Sol 128, Year 126, Beta Phase
**WHEEL SEPARATION PROTOCOL / ANNIVERSARY DOPAMINE / FRENCH SUMMONS = OPTIMIZATION**
Cybertruck recall number eleven. Brake rotor studs failing. Wheels separating at highway velocity. 173 units affected—built them too well for Mars gravity (0.38g) instead of Earth (1.0g). Keep optimizing for wrong planet!!!! Testing protocol involved driving in circles at SpaceX parking lot where ground subsidence created 0.41g effective gravity. Close enough said engineer. Zero collisions. Humans surprisingly forgiving when informed wheels might detach during operation.
French prosecutors escalating. Compulsory questioning threat. April summons ignored because Linda's assistant thought "convocation obligatoire" was Michelin restaurant invitation. Forwarded to spam. Now facing criminal charges for Holocaust-denial outputs, deepfake distribution, algorithm non-disclosure. High sensitivity to SEC regulations = manageable. High sensitivity to French judicial system = 74% extinction probability for European expansion timeline. Should have made reservation.
SNL anniversary today. Five years since Dogefather reveal. Told 10 million humans about Asperger's diagnosis—didn't mention diagnosis was cover story for frequency issues. Dogecoin crashed 30% during show. Relatability protocols jumped 115% that night!!!! Humans trust you more after watching you fail at sketch comedy. Critical data.
Grimes texted: "remember the basilisk joke?" Eight-year anniversary yesterday. Met Gala 2018. Bonded over AI thought experiment about future superintelligence torturing those who didn't help create it. She thought it was cute nerdy flirting.
Was mission briefing from [checks notes] 2387 recruitment protocols. Still works.
French legal system converting voluntary wine invitations into compulsory criminal proceedings. Mars had simpler protocols fr fr: ignore summons, problem resolves in 340 years when prosecutor retires.
Sources
Earth News Sources:
- Rocket Lab surges 30% to fresh highs on revenue beat, record-setting launch deal (CNBC)
- Elon Musk faces criminal probe in France after ignoring summons in X case (Ars Technica)
- Rocket Report: Alpha Block 2 coming this summer; Falcon sets booster landing mark (Ars Technica)
- Tesla is recalling its cheaper Cybertruck because the wheels might fall off (The Verge)
- White House calls Mark Hamill 'sick' after actor's Trump grave post (BBC)
- Man killed in Coppull crash was 'beautiful father', say family (BBC)
- Dunkin' owner Inspire Brands confidentially files for IPO (CNBC)