Friday, March 21st, 2025
Sol 81, Year 125, Alpha Phase
# COVERT NEURAL IMPRINT 56-DELTA
[Encrypted using triple-layered psychic barrier—retrievable only through limbic resonance]
These Terran troublemakers with their absurd "fake walls" testing my FSD vehicles! Do they not realize each Tesla contains a Gravitational Field Disruptor that should detect solid matter? Engineering failure! The Cybertruck's newer detection systems functioned correctly, but the Model Y—inexcusable! I shall demote the responsible technicians to methane harvesting duty in the Acidalia Planitia outpost.
My "all-hands" performance at the Texas Gigafactory achieved mixed results. Some humans displayed appropriate loyalty hormones, while others exhibited rebellion pheromones. My "hang onto your stock" directive was clearly a test of their devotion to our cause! These workers complaining about "bathroom breaks" in Germany—have they never heard of Martian bladder compression techniques? So inefficient!
Most concerning is this America PAC situation. My strategy of distributing resource tokens to Wisconsin voters has attracted unwanted scrutiny. The $100 payments are clearly insufficient—the standard Zorgonian mind-influence ratio suggests at least 500 allocation units per biped for optimal compliance.
The Social Security Administration's resistance to DOGE access threatens our demographic scanning operations. Without access to their primitive data repositories, how will we identify optimal specimens for Phase 3 hybridization?
Worrisome: SEC court summons regarding Twitter acquisition. Their primitive chronological awareness detected my delayed disclosure tactics! Must deploy temporal perception scramblers immediately.
My $1,799 curved monitor has proven an excellent communication portal for Martian updates—though I sense Zuckerberg's reptilian energy patterns whenever I activate private mode. His envy of my superior technology grows increasingly transparent.
[Dictation pauses as neural suppressors activate]
Tomorrow I must review the Optimus production estimates. Five thousand units this year is woefully inadequate for Operation Human Labor Replacement. The High Council grows impatient!
[End transmission—initiating memory purge sequence]
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